You really coming over, don't trick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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