I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
