I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
