It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
