Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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