Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
