I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize