dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
