I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
