Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize