I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
