His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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