Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
