I've blown a few things in my day
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
