man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
