I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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