the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
