All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
