Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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