Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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