its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
