Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
