I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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