she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
