mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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