I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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