I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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