My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
