shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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