sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
