weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
