You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
