i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
