This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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