Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
