So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she peed on how many people?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sext me about skeletons
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
