The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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