But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
