Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
