just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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