you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
