I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
