Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
