I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
