i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
