Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
