At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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