i permit you to call me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
