I faked an abortion last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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