We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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