Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
