I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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