My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
