he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
