i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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