Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
