I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
