you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize