Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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