Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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