I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
