dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
