So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
