we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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