And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize