I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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