he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
