My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
