I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
