ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just come out here and I will go home with you...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
