U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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