dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
