i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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