I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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