Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
