just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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