Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
