My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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