you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I AM VODKA MAN
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
