How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
