Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
