Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
