Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize