i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
