Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
