as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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