highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
