Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
