I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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