you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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