got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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