Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
