went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's blow job season.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize