Your mouth is God's brothel.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
