My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
