how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
