this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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