Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
